At last. It’s finally happening.

The answers you’ve been wanting the most, apart from that time I explained what, exactly, is the matter with other people.

Today, I’m going to be giving you the keys to the proverbial kingdom. This is precisely the system you’ve been waiting for and, oh boy, I’m so excited to share this with you.

This is not a trick of the light, or sleight of hand. I’m legitimately going to tell you how to ensure you don’t suffer defeat. I have tested this system empirically, over several decades, along with collecting qualitative evidence from the many humans with whom I’m in regular contact.

For example, when I wanted to be a professional actor/performer, after nearly a decade of extensive and elite dance and performing arts training, I knew it was time to find an agent. That was the next step between me and what I wanted to create. But how could I do it while ensuring that I couldn’t fail?

Well, I figured out this system, for starters. See, I learned early on that you can’t lose a lottery if you don’t buy the ticket.

This system is tried and true. It will work and it will keep you from failing. And the best part is that it will take very little action on your part to be successful. In fact, the less you do, the better the results will be! It’s like caring for a succulent: negligence is the key ingredient.

It’s a very simple system, because it only really requires one step. That being said, I know you really, really don’t want to experience failure, so I’ll even break The One Step Process down to make this truly foolproof.

Okay, so without any further ado, here it is, The Golden Rule of failure avoidance:

If you want to avoid failing, the only thing you need to do is: Not Try.

That’s it. The brilliance is in the simplicity.

To avoid failing, all you need to do is avoid attempting anything. More specifically, you need only avoid making any attempt towards the thing at which you don’t want to fail. That’s fairly easy to do: just take no action towards your goals.

Now, I think that’s pretty self-explanatory, but just in case you were hoping for something a little more robust, then don’t worry—I’ve got you covered.

If you like to make things more difficult (I see you, my driven friend), or if you need Step 1 broken down into further instruction, then here you go:

Step 1: Don’t Try.

Step 1 (a): Do Not Want Anything.

Step 1 (b): Do Not Let Yourself Care (About Anything).

It’s so easy!

So, to recap, if you don’t want to fail, all you need to do is not try. And in order to not try, then all you need to do is suppress your desires and not care about anything in particular. This includes stifling any goals, dreams, aspirations, wishes and yearnings.

The good news is that once you’ve smothered your heart and soul’s pesky desires, it becomes much easier to not try to do anything. You’ll wind up with an apathetic torpor, a sort of indifferent lethargy, which is the perfect antidote to the stirrings of inspiration.

The good news here is that Steps 1(a) and 1(b) are pretty much interchangeable. So that means that you really only need to manage one of them and it’ll basically take care of the other, both of which will effectively keep you from trying anything.

Now, in case you’ve been known to try things in the past, then let’s make sure you don’t accidentally fall into old habits that’ll mess up your success rate, which, just to remind you, is to not fail.

Here are some more handy tips to help you keep yourself from failing/trying:

DO: Avoid creating a vision.

You’re going to want to make sure that you don’t let any desires bubble up, and if they do, that you definitely don’t spend any time envisioning what it would be like if you were to create your desire in real life. Do not wander into blue-sky thinking, daydreaming or imagining what life could be.

DO: Keep any desires/goals unclear.

You want to keep any future vision amorphous and vague. The less clear and specific, the better. You definitely don’t want to make anything that resembles a declaration or commitment: no what by when!

DO: Keep milestones impossibly large and far apart.

If you’ve slipped up and let yourself declare a goal, then don’t worry; all is not lost! Just make sure that the milestones you’ve identified as the necessary steps along the way are really big and far apart. Ideally, you only want to break down a goal into a handful of actions, each requiring a mammoth leap and a good amount of luck and wishful thinking.

DO NOT: use what works.

Don’t use any systems like SMART goals, or planning. Remember, you only want to make a plan if you’re going to make it a plan that will be insufficient to the results your heart wants to make. If you like, you can insure yourself against making plans that work by spending a lot of time criticizing goal-achievement systems and complaining about any helpful advice you receive from those around you.

DO NOT: get supported.

If you want to avoid failure, then definitely don’t work with a coach. And if you do, then just make sure to spend a significant amount of your time taking no action, and instead being in lengthy and persistent conversation in which you are complaining about yourself, and wondering what is wrong with you and why you can’t do things.

This is a great way to avoid trying anything, and thus avoid failing. Plus, you’ll get to add “failing as a client” to the list of things in your way, and that’s going to help you avoid trying things moving forward.

DO NOT: reward yourself.

If you do create any success, then be sure not to celebrate any progress, accidental or intentional. This will ensure that you suck the joy out of anything you might have achieved, and it’ll teach you to neither enjoy your journey nor any success.

Keeping a goal plan-free is a terrific way to avoid failing. If you’re not in the running, you can’t come in last. Huzzah!

Of course, if you don’t try, then you definitely won’t win, either.

Remember my illustrious acting career? Guess how many agents I spoke to? If you guessed zero, then you’re right! I was so afraid of failing and of hearing, “no, you’re not what we’re looking for,” that I never tried. And my tactic worked: I never did hear no. I never failed at being an actor. Of course, I never succeeded, either, but that’s beside the point (or is it?).

See, it’s really important to understand that not failing is not the same as succeeding. Avoiding losing is not the same as winning.

Sure, you can’t lose a lottery if you never buy a ticket. But you definitely can’t win it that way, either.

Any system designed to keep you from failing might work, but even if it works well, it doesn’t mean you succeed. It just means you don’t risk getting mud on your face when you fall.

Avoiding failure is definitely one way to live life. It’s safe, for sure. If safe is what you’re looking for out of life, that is.

If, on the other hand, you’re looking for more out of this one and only lifetime of yours, feel free to reverse engineer this system.

It’s not guaranteed to create your desired results in the same way that not trying will warrant exactly what it promises, which is, remember: nothing.

But it will create something, if a life of perhaps succeeding at creating anything seems more interesting to you than a life of just not losing.