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Recent Blog Posts

Playing the Game You Want to Win
The Mother I Never Meant To Be
After the Adventure, the Rough Landing
Intuition vs Ego
On Leaving Well
The Stories We Tell
Finding Places to Fail
Beware the Reasonableness of Your Fear
How to Give Feedback that Doesn’t Suck
How I Learned to Stop Being a Victim

Never Enough:

Why You're NOT Getting Everything You Want...

Even Though You ALREADY HAVE Everything You Want.

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bayleblancquiney

Playing the Game You Want to Win You're not going

Playing the Game You Want to Win

You're not going to win at Scrabble if you're playing by the rules for Monopoly. You're not going to win at poker if you're playing by the rules for solitaire. You're not going to win a soccer match if you play it like baseball.

It's always a risky bet for me to use a sports analogy, given that I mostly have no idea what I'm talking about, but I'll go out on a limb and say that I'm pretty sure you won't win a tennis match if you play it like basketball.

And you're not going to win at getting what you really want if you're only playing for what you think you can get. Those are not the same games.

If, as the saying goes, we're always winning the game we're playing, then I presume we'd want to make sure we're playing the right one. By "right" I don't mean the opposite of wrong; I mean the game you actually want to win.

I bet sometimes you might think you aren't winning at all, right? Well, hang tight, because I think you probably are, whether you like it or not. By the way, that last part, about whether or not you like what you're winning? That's very important foreshadowing.

I have a perfect example. Let's talk, for a moment, about my illustrious acting career. Get excited.

Click the link in bio to continue reading.

I personally find forgiveness a whole lot easier w

I personally find forgiveness a whole lot easier when I understand that someone else’s actions are about them, even if I’m the one feeling the impact.

My forgiveness is for ME. It’s MY freedom. It’s within my power to choose, even if their actions aren’t.

Between my freedom and being chained to the meaning I’m making up about other people’s actions, I’ll choose my freedom every time. It feels better and allows for healing, and it clears the way for me to own my healing and choose myself.

This hasn’t always been my solution, but these days, I value my free heart and my peace and trust in myself more than my righteousness. It feels better.

What would look different for you if you could separate the impacts you experience from the stories you make up about why it happened to you?

#BayLeBlancQuiney #lifecoach #forgiveness #peace #healing

The Mother I Never Meant To Be I'm not really sur

The Mother I Never Meant To Be

I'm not really sure I want to write this and I'm even less sure I want to share it. My insides are twisting as I type this, but they've been twisting for months, so I'm just going to write it anyway.

It's really difficult to be suffering from something painful or challenging. That much may seem blatantly obvious, but what happens when your suffering isn't obvious? When you're feeling like the world has stopped but still keeps going and the floor has disappeared and nothing makes sense anymore and no one else notices?

What do you do with your suffering when no one can see it?

Just before December last year, in the middle of the night, I had a miscarriage. Even that sounds too clean, too easy. It was neither of those things. It was frightening and confusing.

It was lonely.

I didn't know what was happening and I didn't know what to do. It didn't even occur to me to get help. I was too busy dealing with the animal of my body, as she did what she knew she needed to do, even if I couldn't understand why.

"What did I do wrong? Did I exercise too much? Maybe I shouldn't have done yoga, but I skipped backbends. Did I eat something I shouldn't have? There MUST be a reason. Is this my fault?"

As if knowing why it happened would change anything.

Click the link in bio to continue reading.

#miscarriage #pregnancy #motherhood #fertilityjourney #griefandloss #mothersday #pregnancyloss

Look, I don’t know if it’ll work out, this thi

Look, I don’t know if it’ll work out, this thing you want to do, whatever it is. I don’t have a crystal ball. I don’t know if you’ll be able to quit your day job and make a living at it. Honestly, most people don’t. Then again, most people don’t try. But I do know that not doing it at all is a guaranteed way to never find out, and worse, to rob yourself of the experience of doing something you love, and the world of your gift.

History is rife with examples of people whose art and ideas were before their time. Thoreau, Kafka, Van Gogh. The list goes on. Emily Dickinson. But they went on doing their thing anyway, thank God.

If you’ve read all this and still think you don’t want to risk failing, or you don’t want to do your thing if you can’t quit your day job, then maybe you need to give up that thing. If you wouldn’t do it anyway, and the outcome is unforeseeable, then maybe it’s just not your thing.

If, however, you can’t imagine your life without doing/making that thing, and it brings you joy, and you’d do it just for fun, even if you never got paid for it, then keep it in your life.

And do it anyway.

#BayLeBlancQuiney #lifecoach #manifest #affirmations

Failure isn’t final until you’ve given up tryi

Failure isn’t final until you’ve given up trying.

Fear of failure becomes a fear of trying, and that makes a life get really small.

I don’t know about you, but I’m much more likely to keep trying if I haven’t resigned to calling myself names and relating to myself as an abject failure, especially if I have a crappy story about what failing means.

You are more than what you do, regardless of whether you succeed or fail.

That you’re willing to try is more important than the result anyway. And if you keep trying, something is bound to happen.

Trying is the part you have the most control over, and that’s where the magic happens.

#BayLeBlancQuiney #lifecoach #willpower #magic #failure

After the adventure, the rough landing So I'm fre

After the adventure, the rough landing

So I'm fresh back from a long-anticipated trip to Universal Studios and Disney World with one of my best friends.

Did you know you can request a pixie-dusting when you're in the Magic Kingdom? It's free, relatively not well known and it's the souvenir that keeps on giving.I still have glitter in my heart and also in my hair, literally, because that stuff gets everywhere.

I've been home since Monday, which, if I'm being honest, I was ready to do, even though I simultaneously wish I lived in the Swiss Family Robinson treehouse and/or Hogsmeade in The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

What can I say? I'm a fickle beast: I yearn for travel and adventure when I'm at home, and I long for the comfort of my home, my shower and my dog while I'm away. I am ready to eat some clean, homemade food again, and also find that I have a hankering for the richness of eating out.

Whenever someone's been away, we tend to ask them how the trip was and what were the highlights. We'll joke that we're living vicariously through them, even though I suspect we're mostly not really joking all that much.

What we don't talk about as much is what comes after the vacation. In my circle of friends and colleagues, I can probably count on one hand the people for whom asking "How was the trip?" is almost always followed by, "How is the re-entry going?".

Because here's the thing: returning to "normal" life after an exciting, adventurous or enjoyable excursion can take some settling into, physically, emotionally and spiritually. After any heightened experience, there's an adjustment period that follows in which we may find ourselves feeling bored, disappointed or deflated with our normal, day-to-day lives, even if our lives seemed pretty great before we left.

Link in bio to read more.

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