Look, I know you don’t want to hear it, but it’s time to dole out a little tough love.
You know all those results you’re hoping for but just not seeing?
You wanna know why you’re not seeing them? Well, buckle up, Buttercup, because I’m about to lay it all out on the line for you.
The reason you’re not getting the results you want is because you’re not doing what it takes.
I know, it’s rough to have it laid bare like that, but let’s stop tiptoeing around the truth. It’s not a mystery. It doesn’t require a detective or a decade of therapy to uncover the truth. By all means, see a therapist and heal yourself, but you don’t have to wait to be healed to take some action.
If you’re not taking enough (or any) action, then the reason you’re not winning is because you’re not really playing. Life is a contact sport. Spectating is not playing the game. You gotta get on the court and start taking some shots. You’ll miss some shots, and probably more than you hit, at least at first, but at least you’ll be in the game and not in the stands.
That lack of results? It’s not because there’s something wrong with you. It’s not a psychological defect or innate genetic shortcoming.
I mean, sure, you have a boatload of limiting beliefs, a seemingly infinite array of self-sabotage options and all kinds of stories about you, about them, The Universe and Life! Congratulations! You’re a human, with all those normal human-y things.
But even those aren’t the real reason why you’re not creating what you want.
It’s because you are not doing what it takes. That’s it. That’s all. It’s simple.
You’re. Not. Doing. What. It. Takes.
And just in case you’re prepping your retort with all kinds of evidence of actions taken, please remember that I’m not saying this to be a jerk. I’m pointing it out because I know you want more in your life and I absolutely know there’s more available to you. I also know that you can change this, right now. This very moment.
I’ll be honest here, because the reason I haven’t created some of the results I want in my own projects is largely also because I simply haven’t done what it takes. I’ve stopped short. I’ve taken some steps and become discouraged. I’ve given up. I’ve taken breaks and not come back from them.
For crying out loud, I’m 7 years into writing a book. I’m not saying I’ve got this all handled. I am saying, though, that in the 7 years I’ve been writing this book, I’ve seen just about every limiting belief, survival mechanism and saboteur there is, and when all is said and done, the only thing that really separates me from other published authors is that, as my coach once helpfully pointed out, “They have actually written their book,” whereas I have not.
Ouch. As they say, the truth hurts, but it will also set you free. My coach’s comment stings a little, but it very clearly highlights the necessary steps to be taken, which would be to take steps rather than take none. I need to write or edit, when I’d rather not write or edit. When I have feelings about what I need to do, I must do what is needed while I have those feelings, instead of waiting for them to be gone.
The problem with waiting for feelings to disappear before we take action is that you’re never not having feelings, especially when you’re working towards a goal or dream. You’ve probably noticed that these feelings you’re having rarely go away, and even if they do, they’re followed by other feelings you’d rather not have, which pushes action to the back burner indefinitely.
But here’s the thing: if you don’t have the results you want yet, all it means is that you are not done yet. There is more to do. It’s not a cosmic middle finger flipped directly and specifically at you. It’s not proof of some intrinsic flaw in your being. There’s just more action to take.
What trips us up are a few common things:
We spend A LOT of time ruminating on what we want, and more specifically on the fact we don’t have it yet (poor us). We think about how hard it is and how we don’t know what to do.
We spend all our time THINKING and not nearly enough time DOING. All that thinking—especially the negative spiraling—feels like a lot of work. It takes a lot of energy and creates a lot of feelings. But thinking is not doing. It’s time to stop musing and start trying something. Anything. Give it the old college try and see what happens.
We are OBSESSED with knowing what to do. But what we’re not admitting is that while we say we don’t know what to do, what we really mean is we don’t know what to do that will definitely guarantee success. We definitely don’t want to fail and in fact, we are unwilling to fail, so we become unwilling to even try.
We want to know the RIGHT THING TO DO, when what we need to do is throw a bunch of spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks, then do that and evaluate how it went.
But no, we want a home run and we’re unwilling to go to bat. We don’t want to faff around wasting time, after all, so we wait until we know for sure exactly the correct steps to take. Of course, this means we waste endless time taking no action at all. Oops…
You give up and you stop. When the going gets tough, you back off. You take a break (which is totally okay and necessary), but then you didn’t come back from the break. You stopped too soon. There was more to do.
You don’t have a plan. Without a plan, it’s likely you’ll stay orbiting around the thinking stage, which is awesome when you’re dreaming up a vision or brainstorming the next steps to move your plan forward. But without a plan, all you have is an idea, which will likely remain just an idea, if no action is taken. A dream without a plan is just a wish, after all…
If, like me, you’re getting tired of the results you’re not getting from all the work you’re not taking, then you’re not alone. But the good news is that this is easy to change. You don’t even have to fix all your limiting beliefs or mindset first, either. You can take that in a to-go bag and just get busy taking some action. Any action.
It’s your time and it’s your move.